Matters of the heart 

I know he said he didn’t want a relationship but that doesn’t mean he didn’t not like me, right? He must have a thing for girls who work in supermarkets. I really hope he didn’t think I wouldn’t find out… Not when we all work together. I’ve liked this guy for three years, not that I ever thought anything would come out of it. But the past few weeks have been nice- being able to chat to him and go round to his house and just hang out. Why does this feel like such a kick in the teeth. I feel silly for letting it get to me so much. I am strong independent woman. I don’t need him. But I wanted him. I can’t force him to like me, but I really thought he would have thought how that would have made me feel. I can imagine exactly how it would have planned out- she would have had to of driven over here. “Have a few drinks, you can always stay at mine”. I wonder how long this has been going on for. A new found freedom with me and he’s now turning into one of the guys I just never pictured he would be. Well I can smile sweetly and pretend it doesn’t hurt but it does. It really does. Of course I could be jumping to all the wrong conclusions but I really don’t think I am. 
Do I need to change? Should I have to? There must be something wrong if every guy so far has treated me the same way. I can’t think of any other explanation. I don’t want to end up old and alone but at the moment it looks like I’m heading that way. 

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